Haiku

A conversation with Paul

2005-11-15T16:10:00.000-08:00

Oh hi, I didn't see you there. Yeah I'm just playing some freecell, waiting on my lasagna to heat up. Oh that? that's just the shitty band practicing in the lounge. Don't worry about them, you'll learn to phase them out. Wait, oh yeah! now they're playing that one riff, you know the one, baa daa daa da da badada dum dum! Oh man, I was thinking they weren't going to get to that song, I mean they spent half an hour playing "Smells like teen spirit" so i thought they were almost done for the night. I geuss not. Hold on, my lasagna is ready...
Ah that's some good shit.
What's that other noise you ask? good question, I think it's the fire alarm but it's quiet and muffled so maybe it's a buzzer that has been shoved up a drifter's ass. You never know what's going to make noise here in the projects.

Man, fuck noise.

Stoned

2005-10-25T00:02:00.000-07:00

I PASSED THAT STONE!!
I PASSED THAT STONE!!

Damn I'm glad that's over with

Fucking animae

2005-10-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

man, fuck adult swim on saturdays. too much animae, the soft-pornographic-mind-shits of some twisted comicbook writer. Cartoon network needs to keep with the title of "ADULT SWIM" and get this kiddy shit off the air. And I don't mean replacing it with shit of the genre "awful animation plus too much violence" that they've been deepthroating us with recently. I speak of 'ten ounc mouce' and saddly 'squidbillies' If I wanted shitty pictures and too much violence I would get John's copies of "Potty adventures", now that was some funny shit, plus he could cuss. Cartoons for college kids should appeal to their over-inflated sense of nostalgia. Shows like harvey birdman, sealab, and other hanna-barbara rips fit perfectly and they're mostly funny. I personally like cartoons from when I was a little younger like futurama and ducktales.
Once again, fuck animae
now a haiku

I said it before
once more please, "Fuck Animae"
in the fucking neck!

Burger Queen?????

2005-10-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

I've decided that the current Burger King commercials are the most homo-erotic thing on TV. Watch closely and keep your ears open and you can notice it too. A refresher, all of the male leads in these commercials are employed in the traditionally homosexual sectors of our economy. Example, a lumberjack all alone in the woods fells a mighty tree and find 'the king' standing tall behind the stump of the mighty redwood. the gruff voiced announcer then goes on to offer the pleasures of meat on top of meat on top of meat, followed by an offer to wake up with the king. Another example involves steelworkers on top of a high rise, one is tired and looking for a quick pick-me-up in the form of something hot, steaming, and fresh. Again it ends with an offer to wake up with the king and even goes so far as to call the steelworker "sleepyhead"

damn thats gay, but in the bad way like trying to force it on others, not in the socially acceptable way that I have no problem with

slipping into the future

2005-09-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

it's been a while, so here's a couple of thoughts...
1.) Cars are much more awesome today than they were twenty years ago. We have Cadillacs that can go 0-60 in like 4 seconds, we have hondas that get like 70 mpg, we have cars that you can ram into a wall going 50 and just get a bloody nose and a little pee on your pants. This is great. in 20 years cars are goig to be fucking sweet. I'm still not expecting a flying car or anything like that and it pisses me off that we still don't have any flying/floating cars, but i'll just be hitting my midlife crisis when the new cool cars hit the market in 2025. Also in 20 years will be the completion of vision 2025 and I can drive my new coupe de fucking ville to see a mid-level sports team at our own local venue.
2.) Also keeping with the 20 years from now theme, my computer in 2025 will be the fucking bomb. In fact, it will probably BE a bomb, this sonofabitch will be running on fusion power provided by my personal underground fusion powerplant. Don't assume that this means that fossil fuels will run out or be replaced, no, i'm gonna discover a shitload of oil between two layers of platinum on my ranch in Greenland. I'm gonna fucking buy anything and anyone i want. but i'll share my money with my friends and family and certain African countries. That's right, the Zulu nation will rise again and this time they're sporting platinum spear points.
3.) ok, #2 was crazy
4.) but it will happen
5.) If global warming is real and the icecaps recede, I am totally buying Greenland. That place is going to be bad. Imagine this, virgin mountains with untapped resources surrounding the largest body of pure fresh water in the form of an inland sea the size of Brazil. That place is mine.
Y'all can come visit if you want.

What to do

2005-09-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

I was faced with a problem today, there was puke on the toilet seat in my favorite stall. I did not have a plan for this situation. I wasn't about to wipe the seat myself because fuck that, that's nasty. So I improvised, I took a step back, and urinated all over the seat. The way I see it, someone else will wipe off the urine before they squat and when I need to poop, it will be clean.

Problem solved

I've got friends in low places...

2005-08-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

(The freshman class to be exact)
I think that going to the honors retreat this year was one of the best decisions I made this summer. Not only was it fun, but I made friends. It sounds pathetic and sad but it's good to get my shoe in the door early and snag some freshmen before the loser sophmores get to them. I mean, damn, not a single one of those whiney bastards did anything to dig themselves out of their holes from first semester. I worked my ass off and back into the program. While tooting my own horn, I might add that I feel like a positive role model (or at least a guy with good advice).
Just yesterday, I talked to Scott, one of the freshmen, for like 15 minutes outside. It took me all last year to be on a first name basis with any of last years freshmen. Pretty cool

I'll end by saying, for various reasons, Sean Barnes can lick my ass. He's a tool. And he ain't no snap-on, more like a strap-on. Dick

well i'll be dipped in shit...

2005-08-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

I thought this blog was dead to me, but i geuss not.

sorry for another one like this...

2005-07-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

I hate my fucking boss. I'm not working there to learn a life lesson, I'm working to make money. I'm getting paid less than immigrant labor wages, 40 hours, 40 bucks. That dumb fuck is trying to prepare me for two things, for everything i touch to go to shit, and for my mom to die. That is all he knows. Gotta go for now.

W.O.W

2005-07-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

"Don't take any guff off of these swine"
"Eat the fishsticks, if you don't die from them, you will never die"
"Don't let anybody boss you around unless they are your boss, and even then, don't make it easy"
"The duty of every prisoner is to attempt to escape, no matter what the conditions"
"The loneliest position a man can be in is to be the only one kicking himself"
"You have to believe in something, and if the Pistons let you down, believe in yourself"

~words of wisdom from Dali Paul

"Ode to the Inappropriate Prayer"

2005-07-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

- On the opening prayer at the 2005 riverparks fireworks display in Sand Springs
On this Independance Day,
I heard an awful prayer.
"But prayers are good" you say.
This one could choke a bear.

It wasn't really a blessing,
Nor was it thankful, or nice.
The man was not confessing,
It was about as warm as ice.

I'd call it a sales pitch
For his particular views
He even got in a bitch
About those wicked jews.

"We need more prayer in schools
And more old fashioned crap
Our gov'ment now is full of fools"
Said the old, white sap.

I listened as he informed me
Of the injustices that i face
He let me know I wasn't free
Unless I heard his case.

Ok, the poem is over because I can't figure any more rhymes but the point is that that cracker's opening prayer belongs on a fundamentalist soap box or a texaco toilet wall. Just because I live here dosen't mean I want to hear what anyone else thinks.

'nother haiku

2005-06-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

poo-poo and dookie
monkey, and Ashy Larry
one, two, three, four, 5

I got straight A's, Son!
What's Arsenio up to?
always with the cheese

____Job

2005-06-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

My job sucks. I get told to shut up and not to think because it is bad for the team. So I'm gonna quit. Who needs to be a mechanic anyway. I got straight A's son! deedle-do deedle-do deedle-do daw! (thats the pan pipe tune from chappelle's show)
I ain't MC Breed, I'm not gonna sit through seven years of BS just to get a high rate on my contract.

If your job sucks balls
Quit Son!, Go get a new one.
Drop it like it's hot.

Me and Mrs. Reagan

2005-05-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

The other week I became a man. I went through my cop-mitzvah. And officer Nancy Reagan herself ushered me into manhood.

Here's the story, John and myself were on our way to the big field in Chandler Park to enjoy some light frisbee and relax after a long year of school. As we were approaching the field, a county sheriff approached from the west, we approached the intersection at the same instant and he clearly slowed down, yeilding the right of way. I passed through the intersection heading in a generally southward direction and officer nancy turned on his lights and thus the chase begun. The chase lasted an exciting 35 feet as i slowed from my blistering speed of 14 miles to an hour(!) and pulled onto the grassy knoll beside the path. As i lowered my automobile's window, officer nancy requested my licence and i complied with a smile. He then proceded to (pretend to) read my licence and attempted to trick me into revealing my dastardly plan by firing such scorching questions as "How old are you Mr. Ellis?" and "Do you still live in *pause* Sand Springs?" I answered his questions with grace and evaded his prodding attempts to draw forth a confession. Mrs. Reagan then informed me that "Oncoming traffic has the right of way" and "I didn't have a stop sign"
Then came his coup de grace
"Where are you going in such a hurry?"
I sat in my voiture utterly stupefied. What was I to do, what possible answer could i give him, indeed, where WAS I going in such a hurry?? I finally uttered a patchwork phrase about frisbee and the rapidly wanning sunlight and the former First Lady accepted it. He returned my licence and told me to be more careful due to the prescence of many pedestrians and cyclists in the park. I, being not a fucking retard, already knew that, but i neglected to mention this to Madam Reagan.
Our confrontation was essentially over, save for a few parting words, and Master Nobles and I continued on to our destination and did indeed enjoy some light frisbee and tea. Our delay, caused by Officer Nancy, made my careful meterological observations null and I lost my experimental "Air-o'-plane" in a large oak. Luckily, some honorable young gentleman who had been cavorting in the shade of said oak returned it to me post haste.
On the whole, our evening was quite enjoyable, despite the unwelcome advances of the former first lady. If you are reading this Officer, if you can indeed read, I offer you an opportunity to join young master Nobles and myself for high tea. We shall be meeting two miles east of the large, oblong boil on his mother's arse.

Waahhh Wahhh

2005-05-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

Wahhh Wahhh Wahhh *sob* Wahhh
what a big bunch of babies. well, more like one baby. As the two of you know, I'm a mechanic. The result of this career choice is that everyone expects me to fix their machines for them. "Wahh" they say to me, "Wahh, my machine is broken. Fix it, Wahhh!" In most cases, I don't mind, I want my mom to have AC, I want my girlfriend to have AC, I want John's statch to have a transmission, and if I could've fixed the duster, I probably would have let it die, but when it comes to my sister, queen of the car genocide, I draw the line. Boo hoo, I let it run out of coolant and it overheated, wahhh, my plug wires are broken, can I still drve it??? And when I say no, more tears flow. I quit, I'm no longer a master mechanic, I'm just a mild mannered tinker now.

I HATE JACK CHICK

2005-05-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

But it's ok, he hates me too. He hates most people, if you don't know if he hates you, just know that he probably does.

Ethics, Morals, and Honor

2005-05-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

We have ethics, moral, and honor in today's society, but they are different than yesterday's. There is no room for debate about the fact that there is less honor in serving in the military today than there was sixty years ago. Ethical arguments today are more about business decisions and less about politicians. Morals govern our online browsing choices instead of our lifestyles. I am not advocating that we bring back witch-hunts to weed out the immoral minority or have government imposed ethics, but the study of history should include the value systems of the past. We must learn from the past in concordance with the present to make choices about our values.
My comp II class is undertaking a project to write a book for elementary schoolchildren to teach them manners. Despite the shame I feel for having to re-take comp II, I have contributed fully to this book because I feel manners need to be taught. Many polite or proper things go un-taught in schools. For example, It is [un]common knowledge that one is NEVER to applaud after the singing of the National Anthem. Some of you may have heard the term "Mind your P's and Q's" but did you know it means Pints and Quarts, and it was a tradesman term to be sure and do everything correct and propper. There are rules out there if you look hard enough. Many no longer apply and new codes will have to be created, but the old should not be wasted. Take a look at the rules of behavior, learn them and learn from them. Try to understand why the rules exist, what purpose they serve, and use them as you see fit.

Communism in America?

2005-05-03T14:21:00.000-07:00

A simple question, do pockets of communism exist amongst the capitalist sea of America?

Of course they do! The reds are everywhere! They corrupt our businesses, invade our restauraunts, ruin our colleges and rape our women. Well maybe not the raping part, I hear that standing in line all day leads to a flacid penis. It has long been known that McDonalds is a bastion of communism. You wait in line for half an hour amongst the dregs of the trailer parks to receive a decidedly sub-par slice of 'meat' between two 'bread' objects. The employees can waste as much time as their scruples allow and never have to face any form of punishment. You can't be fired for being a bad worker if you show up to work. Drug abuse is rampant and sanitation is strictly optional. And with all of this mistreatment, every American still frequents McDonalds. We put up with this abuse because we don't know anything else. We know nothing of the rigors of finding our own food, we are too used to having everything handed to us on a moist plastic platter.
Even good old fashioned customer competition has gone to shit. I recently tried to sell my text books back to a competing book store. The results were depressing. I got a whole two dollars for my business text book and two great big thumbs down to my literature books. What ever happened to shelling out a few bucks to gain some customer loyalty? That's where this country has failed, inspiring customer loyalty is no longer a priority for today's businesses. A humorous but pertinent quote from "O' Brother Where Art Thou" come to mind - "I don't want FOP God Damnit!!, I'm a Dapper Dan Man!" This is the spirit and vigor of customer loyalty we need today. If companies have to sway customers from the brand they swore allegiance to, they would work harder, and the consumer would benefit. Price wars not only make things easier on the consumer, they stimulate advances in services and marketing. Competition fueled the space race, started the computer boom in Silicon Valley, and created professional sports. Communism has no internal competition, it relies on external conflicts to stimulate advances. The USSR was able to exist for so long because the US kept them going with various races and gaps to be filled. Inside of the Soviet Union, no one had any beef with their comrades, they had a rallying cry against the capitalist pigs. What is America to do? We don't have sufficient economic competetors to bring us together as one. We will have to sink to the level of our nearest competetor to find a conflict big enough to bring out our capitalist flair. We need to stop being complacent with our services industry. We must not settle for less than we deserve, less than we are able to receive. The reason we live in America is to enjoy the best this world has to offer, but this world better offer up some better shit.

Don't wait in line.
Don't settle for what's easiest.
Work towards what's best.

Dead what? What week?

2005-05-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Dead week, we don't get no stinkin' dead week.
But why is that? wouldn't it be nice to have some time before finals to study, or at least relax a bit and take a load off. I personally had four tests last week, the week before finals. We spent the first hour of our geology final going over the tests we took last week. That all sucked. I was so stressed that my ulcer came back and I spent most of monday throwing up. So hows about a dead week. I hear it's boring and a waste of time that could be used as summer, but I'd like to be able to take a relaxing dump my last few weeks at school. You have to take advantage of the dorm toilets that could flush a boar...

Finals

2005-05-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

For my friends that know me well, i.e., you two who read this...
Finals began today with a potty-interupted geology test.
Continued with an donkey-raping-shit-eater of a geometry exam.
Finished with the mother of all time wasting geography/business quiz.
so here's the haiku

"I need to potty"
donkey raping shit eater
German urban crap...

Books

2005-05-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

I'm going to sell my books back, well, the ones that they will buy from me. Books are knowledge and knowledge is power and isn't this country in somewhat of an energy crisis? Maybe that's all we need, more books, more knowledge. Maybe the government should buy my books from me and give them to inner-city youth. I would expect top dollar for them though...

Free Verse

2005-04-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

So this one is gonna be in regular wordage

So every country has it's terrorist groups, Iraq has the al-Tikritis, Afghanistan has the Taliban, Spain has the Basques and America has the Klan. It has long been the tradition to pick-and-choose our foreign policy to allow us to attack and otherwise dispose of these international jerks. But we have not done anything to bitch-slap our own domestic terrorists and religious extremists. So what if some other country came in to do our dirty work for us like we did with the Taliban?
imagine this, some foreign nation, one who has been personally offended by the KKK, someone like Mali, and they decided to declare war on the Klan. They would have to invade our soil, identify members of the Klan, and imprison or kill them. I prefer killing them. It wouldn't be to hard to finger the klansmen, anyone with a confederate flag in their truck window or flying proudly over their trailer would be a suspect.
So would you allow foreign soldiers to occupy every city in America to make sure the Klan was extinct, and if so, for how long?

In closing,
Fuck:

The KKK
The Taliban
The Chinese Communists

but give the Basques their own damn country in the Pyrennes to shut them up.

2005-04-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

I remember now

My thoughts are beautiful things,

Better than your shit.

Hello Haiku

2005-04-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

How can I be sure

People want to hear my thoughts?

Even in Haiku?